The phrase “preparing for childbirth” is a misnomer.  Allow me to explain, no matter how many books you read, no matter how many classes you take, no matter how many women you talk to—nothing will ever prepare you for the kick in the gut feeling that comes when the contractions build.  No amount of advice (even mine) will describe the strength that little person uses to leave the confines of your body.  No textbook words can ever describe the joy and exhilaration you feel when your child cries for the first time.

So, after you lose the 40 extra pounds you have been carrying around, after the little darling begins to sleep through the night, after you get your legs decently shaved again and when you learn to eat your own meal while balancing a bottle under your chin, you discover that life goes on.  All the horror of labor and delivery is soon forgotten.  So much so, that you may decide to do it again.  And again.  Some have been known to do it repeatedly into the double digits (but that is a completely different column).  And life still goes on.

They learn to walk, to talk, they go to school, they make friends, they get bumped and bruised, they grow and they florish.  And just when you really begin to like them, they leave.

They leave your dwelling to find more interesting people to live with.  They come back with ideas and opinions (gasp!).  They mature.  There are no more physical black and blue marks, now it becomes bruised egos and battered emotions.  They come back to you for reassurance, comfort, clean clothes and favorite meals.

They find love (or something like it) and you learn to band-aid broken hearts.  Telling them that the right person is out there somewhere and they will find one another someday.  Then, you punch a pillow, cry a little and put on your happy face, until the next time.  When the right person does finally show up, you steel yourself and prepare again for “labor”.

That’s when you realize how easy it was the first time.  It becomes very clear that was just the preparation for this.

Because when the  beautiful words are said, and the rings are exchanged, the contractions finally stop and the cord disappears.  You smile at the new family, give a little sigh, shed a few tears, and give yourself a big, proud, silent shout of “LOOK WHAT I DID”.